"It was the tiniest thing I ever decided to put my whole life into."
- Terri Guillements
Here we go again with my being shocked that I haven't shared a blog post in months. Trust me, it is definitely not because I've had nothing to write about. In fact, I've probably had more to write about than ever, which is precisely why I didn't have the time or ability to do so.
At the time that I wrote my last blog post in January, I had a secret that I couldn't divulge just yet. But now there's no hiding it even if I wanted to! Yep, that's right. We're having a baby. : )
As of today, I'm 23 weeks and 5 days along. I honestly can't believe how quickly it's all been going by. I have a feeling I'll be saying that phrase for the rest of my life.
I honestly don't even know where to begin with sharing about this experience. It feels more and more like both birth and death are the most common things in the world and yet the most mysterious. There is still so much territory to be explored when it comes to the intricacies of what these things entail, and yet we seem to breeze past them in some ways. Part of that is because we have to in order to get by, of course, and part of that is because we simply don't have the time to dedicate to sitting and contemplating the wild nature of this thing called life. Some days it can be difficult enough just to get ourselves and our loved ones fed that we can't even stop to plan the next day, let alone ponder the enormity of what it means to create life.
Anyway, I'm going to stop my theoretical ramblings there (for the most part).
The basic story is that, this past fall, I spent a month in Paris continuing my education in the French language and then spent two weeks traveling there and throughout Italy with Kyle. Part of us knew that it would be one of our last opportunities to do that kind of traveling for a little while. Within a month after we returned, it was confirmed that international trips would take a back burner for a while as we prepare for this grand domestic adventure of raising a child together.
About a month ago, we attended the baby's anatomy scan and found out we'll be having a boy. Whether our baby had been determined to be a boy or a girl, we would have been thrilled either way, but it was nice just to know SOMETHING about this little person developing inside me. Around that same time, I started feeling lots of little baby kicks and wiggles. In fact, I feel them right now as I'm writing this, and it's the most bizarre sensation. It's like there's a giant goldfish doing flips and tricks inside my belly. And, well, I guess that's basically exactly what's happening.
We're fairly settled on our son's name, but I'll probably wait a bit before I post it as it's still subject to change up until he's born! It's an Irish name that we fell in love with after reading through hundreds upon hundreds of names that were often beautiful but just didn't seem to suit him for one reason or another. I hope he likes what we choose! What a huge first task to have as a parent--branding your child for life!
Most of the time, this next chapter in our lives seems like the most natural thing in the world. Some moments, however, I'm hit with a rush of what it means to be someone's parent. It's almost frightening but in a super exciting way. I'm so worried about all the little details of raising a child, like what to feed them and when, how to get them to sleep through the night, and how to make sure to keep them as safe as possible. The one thing I don't worry about at all though is trusting that he will always know exactly how loved he is. That part I think I'll have down, if nothing else.
On that note, I'd like to end this post by sending lots of love and wishes for a very Happy Mother's Day to all mothers, mothers-to-be, and mothers-striving-to-be. I know this particular day coming up on Sunday can be bittersweet for a variety of reasons. Some may have lost their mothers or their children, others may be new parents, others may have been parents for quite some time, others may be estranged from their mothers at the moment, others may be expecting a new baby, and others may be hoping to start a family soon.
No matter one's current situation, everyone deserves to feel lots of love this coming weekend and every day. This weekend is a celebration of the fact that we are all here, and somehow we've all made it this far. Here's to making it twice as far and then some. <3 Sending all my love to you!